i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
