You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
