Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
