Do you still have your period?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
