oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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