I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
