They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
