Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
