I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
