My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
