Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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