sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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