So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
