dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I didn't notice because vodka
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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