Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
