last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
