It's Friday. Sex?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My penis needs a shock collar
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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