I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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