I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
