Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
