why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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