Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
