He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
