forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
