This is not my ceiling
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
