you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
