DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
