Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
