Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Please, let me fuck your mom
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
