I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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