yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got inside last night via doggy door
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
