Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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