oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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