that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
