If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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