i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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