You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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