there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
