The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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