a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
