I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
please don't ironically join a cult
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