I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
