69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
