we made out on top of his cat.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
