You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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