OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
