this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize