I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
