I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
