i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
