I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
is that a dick in a sweater?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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