Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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