You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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