plz talk dirty to me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize