My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
