i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
