i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
