My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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