I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
