The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize