So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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