It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize