I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
