Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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