dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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