Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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