Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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