i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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