im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
