Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
