I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Too much gin, very little bucket
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
