Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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