So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
