Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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