so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
