Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
