She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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