I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
