I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you win again, gameday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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