i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize