I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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