i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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