I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
