he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
