Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
