She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
